I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now!
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
I don't need anger management. I need people to stop irritating me!
When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment... now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!
The biggest lie I tell myself is... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.
The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".
I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my spouse took it!
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
I don't need anger management. I need people to stop irritating me!
When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment... now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!
The biggest lie I tell myself is... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.
The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".
I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my spouse took it!
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice
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